


Bathwater

by BrokenBones (Hikarinimichitasora)



Series: 'Gentle'-verse [3]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Childhood Trauma, Established Relationship, Explicit Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-01
Updated: 2013-09-10
Packaged: 2017-12-25 08:35:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/950995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hikarinimichitasora/pseuds/BrokenBones
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A trashy gossip rag thinks it's got a scoop on Jim Kirk's love life that sends Jim and Bones' relationship spiralling out of control. But what starts with just a simple issue of lack of trust soon turns more sinister as the articles become more and more defamatory.</p><p>*</p><p>Leonard stared at the magazine in front of him. Christine had brought it to him, her eyes apologetic as she’d handed him the article. Her gentle words of warning had faded into white noise as he stared down at Jim’s face as the headline ‘I slept with James Tiberius Kirk’ wrapped around him.</p><p>[Sequel to Talks Like A Gentle Soul]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Galaxy Gossip

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place in the same universe as 'Talks Like A Gentle Soul' and 'Confluence'. Please read those to make sure this makes sense to you if you haven't already. If not, then read this as an established relationship. Just in case it's unclear, this takes place a few months after 'Talks Like A Gentle Soul's' epilogue after Jim gets back from his two year mission.

“Fuck!”

Jim would never get tired of the sound of Bones’ voice when he finally reached that point where he was all Southern drawl and no longer Southern manners. When the gentleman in him disappeared, when the capable doctor fled, and all that was left was a quivering ball of need laid out before him, flushed and panting.

He loved the fact that Bones would give himself over like this. That he trusted Jim enough to let him take him apart, piece by piece, while his hands skimmed over the dark hair on Bones’ thighs. He could feel them quivering as the other tried to spread them wider, tried to take Jim in deeper, heels digging into the back of Jim’s thighs.

“Dad I’m home!”

Jim glanced at the bedroom door. It was shut and Joanna wouldn’t come in without knocking. He felt Bones freeze under him. Both of them knew that they were too far gone to stop, or even look decent enough to greet her. Even so, Bones tried to squirm his way out from underneath Jim, only stopping when Jim rocked his hips forward again insistently.

“Damnit Jim! What are you-“ Bones’ whisper was cut off by a strangled moan as Jim took him in hand. It was a rather rushed end to what had been a rather slowly built up round, but Jim took what he could. Bones didn’t last long, shuddering against Jim’s chest he cradled him against him. He could feel the other’s body tightening around him, could feel the splash of Bones’ release against his stomach, could hear the staccato sounds of Bones’ breathing as he tried to keep himself quiet. Jim didn’t take long after, his own orgasm crashing through him and leaving him sagging on top of the doctor.

“Dad, are you in?”

Bones jumped when there was a knock on the bedroom door. Jim reached between them, running a finger through the wetness on Bones’ stomach before bringing it to his lips and sucking it. Bones didn’t take his eyes off him.

“Just a minute Jo! Why don’t you start getting dinner ready? I’ll meet you in a minute,” Bones shouted through. Jim was a little upset that the other’s voice was back to normal. He’d have to work on it again tonight.

“Is Uncle Jim in there with you?” Joanna’s voice drifted under the door suspiciously. Jim could just picture her face, exasperated and grossed out in equal measure. Jim chuckled, guessing the game was up.

“I’ll send your old man right out, Joanna,” he promised. Bones turned bright pink and Joanna groaned outside but her footsteps retreated.

“You’re an asshole,” Bones said, though there was no heat to it. He was reaching for the bedside drawer for tissues. Jim slowly pulled out of him, clambering off the bed and finding his boxers from where they’d been discarded what felt like hours ago. He pulled them on and then stretched.

When he glanced at Bones he saw that the other was watching him appreciatively, eyes scanning over his chest and legs. He let a smirk tilt his mouth at the corners and arched his spine a little.

“I thought we were going to help Joanna with dinner?” he asked. Bones seemed to snap out of whatever fantasy he was having, (and Jim was going to find out all the details later), and got to his feet. He put on his boxers and did his usual quick dive across the hall into the bathroom. Jim watched him go fondly before pulling on his clothes.

He’d come over in his dress uniform after a meeting. That’s what had started the unusual ‘middle of the day’ sex session that they usually forewent because there was no telling when Joanna might come home. Bones had taken one look at his uniform and decided that it would have looked better on the floor. At first Jim had thought it would just be something quick against the kitchen counter, but then Bones had dragged him into the bedroom and it had become a somewhat more… engaging session.

Jim wasn’t going to complain. His sex life with Bones was actually pretty amazing. He had thought that settling down and having a relationship would curb some of the more adventurous things that he did, and maybe he wouldn’t get as much sex as he had before. The opposite seemed to be true. Bones didn’t say no to anything without trying it out at least once, and his libido now that it was awakened seemed to be on par with Jim’s own.

Jim finished buttoning his shirt, looking around for his belt and not finding it. It took him a moment to realise that Bones and pulled that off him somewhere in between the lounge and the kitchen and he went searching for it.

He finally found it outside the kitchen door, discarded to one side of the hallway. He bent to pick it up and it was at that moment that he ran into Joanna, who had obviously heard him padding about and come to greet him. Both of their gazes fell to the belt in Jim’s hand and Joanna let out a huff of breath before she went back into the kitchen.

Jim slid the belt back into the loops, trying to compose himself when he wanted to do nothing more than giggle really. He heard the bathroom door open and Bones pretty much ran back to their bedroom, not even looking in his direction.

This was why Jim had kept his own apartment. When Bones came over, there was none of this nonsense of sneaking about or trying not to mentally scar someone’s daughter.

Deciding that Joanna probably knew already what had been going on, Jim walked into the kitchen and helped himself to a beer from the fridge. It opened with a hiss. He could feel Joanna’s eyes on him and he turned to her, smiling and leaning against the counter.

“So, how was school?” he asked teasingly. Joanna coloured and turned back to chopping vegetables. She had her father’s hands, long fingered and dextrous.

“The Vulcan biology unit is interesting. I’m learning a lot. Not as much as with some of the other species though, but the information on Vulcans is so specific and vague at the same time… I’ve had to email Selek with questions to help me with my assignment because with some of it I don’t know where to start…”

Joanna continued to ramble to hide her embarrassment and Jim let her, listening even though he seemed like he wasn’t. It was the mention of Selek that made Jim’s smile stretch even further. It had come as a bit of a surprise to Bones to discover that his darling baby girl had been messaging a boy for the last twenty months or so. Even more that the boy was a Vulcan.

Joanna protested they were just friends and that there was nothing like that going on, but Jim knew better. Spock had asked Jim to keep an eye on the situation, as he had been worried that Selek was ruining his chances of being paired for a successful bonding in his pursuit of Joanna. Of course, Jim had done nothing about it. He could see the way Joanna’s lips curled up sometimes when her communicator chirped or when a package arrived from New Vulcan with a selection of bizarre things that Selek had collected and sent to her. Hell, Joanna’s bedroom held more pieces of Vulcan art than Spock’s had on the Enterprise.

“How is Selek?” Jim interrupted her half way through a spiel on how Vulcan hands presented a massive problem for the sterilisation process that usually took place in Medbay.

“Oh he’s fine. You know how Vulcans are. Never a bad day when you don’t really feel emotions in the first place,” she said, shrugging. Jim knew she was being flippant, but there was a hint of tension there. Maybe they’d had a bit of a fight recently, it wouldn’t have been the first time that Joanna had grown exasperated with her Vulcan puppy dog and wanted space.

Although last time ‘space’ had been a disastrous set of dates with a fellow Cadet that had ended with Jim paying him a visit and warning him that if he _ever_ came near Joanna again, he’d have his teeth knocked down the back of his throat. They had both agreed never to tell Bones about the situation, Joanna because she didn’t want her dad to worry about her personal life, and Jim because he knew that Bones would realise that Jim was lying when he said he’d only _threatened_ personal injury.

“Argh goddamnit Jim! Why didn’t you tell me my comm had been going off?” Bones grouched as he came into the kitchen. Jim sighed when he saw that the other was dressed in the Starfleet Medical whites. His hair was wet, disarrayed and dripping slightly.

“Didn’t hear it. You gotta go in?” he asked. Joanna paused where she was chopping vegetables. Bones went to kiss her cheek but she ducked.

“Nuh-uh. Not until I can forget where you might have been putting your mouth,” she said. Bones turned bright pink as Jim laughed.

“Yeah I have to go in. Someone’s sick and I’m short staffed. And I’m on the shift with that goddamn black cloud-“ Bones continued to rant about Fisher who, for all intents and purposes, seemed to be a doctor who _always_ seemed to pull in the emergencies. Jim had given up long ago trying to make sense of medical superstitions like that. Bones pulled a protein shake from the fridge, chugging it down and wiping his mouth with a grimace.

“Should I just put the leftovers in the fridge for you?” Joanna asked as she started to shove the chopped vegetables into a frying pan. The scent of garlic, onions and peppers filled the kitchen in a short few moments.

“Yeah probably for the best sweetheart,” Bones replied, running a hand through his hair. Jim sighed and glanced at the clock on the oven. He probably wouldn’t see Bones again tonight so he should probably go home after he ate with Joanna.

“Sure thing. Have a nice time working a double shift,” Joanna replied sarcastically. Bones rolled his eyes and turned to Jim. He pressed a kiss against the other’s lips.

“I’m going to be too tired to catch you for dinner tomorrow like planned,” he said apologetically as he pulled away. Jim shrugged, sipping his beer and following Bones into the hallway. The doctor started to pull on his shoes, cursing as he pulled on the laces and tried to get them to form proper bows instead of tangled knots.

“It’s alright. Do you want me to come over or are you just going to crash?” Jim asked. Bones paused and Jim waited patiently as he thought about it.

“I wouldn’t mind seeing you it’s just…” Bones trailed off, glancing up at Jim. The uncertainty made Jim smile and he leaned against the wall.

“Hey, if you just want me here to fill up the other side of the bed while you sleep, that’s fine too you know,” he said. The tension leaked from Bones’ frame and he continued to tie his shoes.

“So we have a date in which we’re going to literally sleep together?” Bones said, quirking his eyebrow. Jim shrugged and hooked his finger in Bones’ collar, pulling him forward.

“No, we have a date where you relax and sleep then get woken up to the most amazing blow-“

“I CAN STILL HEAR YOU TWO OH MY GOD PLEASE STOP!” Joanna shrieked from the kitchen. Jim laughed as Bones jerked away sending him a dark look. He grabbed his keys from the side and left with the door slamming behind him.

Jim slinked back into the kitchen, ignoring Joanna’s mortified expression in favour of peering into the frying pan.

“So, what’s for dinner?”

* * *

 

Joanna sighed and looked at her textbook morosely. It was two weeks until her final exams. Two years of living the Academy lifestyle, two years of being top of her class, with whispers of ‘wunderkind’ following her everywhere. Yet now everything was coming down to the last set of exams and her placement to study in the field.

She had a feeling it was going to be the Enterprise. There wasn’t any other ship in the galaxy that had as much contact with strange new aliens and she wasn’t being big headed when she considered that her talents would be wasted on any other ship. Even so, there were nerves that she might just screw up on this final test, or that someone might get political and try to keep her away from the flagship because of Jim’s ‘conflict of interest’.

She poked at the textbook with her finger. Around her, first years chattered. Most of them were older than her. A few of them had approached her over the last year, thinking she was a fellow classmate, only to recoil when she told them that she was actually in her second year at the Academy.

Not only that, within her own year group she… hadn’t made many friends. Back in Georgia it had been simple. She’d had plenty of people in her circle and she had flitted about. It was only when reaching the Academy that she’d realised how much of a safety net she’d had back home. It had been sobering to realise that the majority of people who spoke to her only did so to mock her, either to her face or to recount whatever she’d said later.

She wasn’t invited to the parties (she couldn’t drink), she wasn’t invited to social activities (she might report them to her Officer father) and now she wasn’t even good enough to study with, considering her study date had disappeared twenty minutes ago to ‘get some water’ and never returned.

Still, there were worse things she supposed and she did have _some_ friends. They were just already serving on various ships throughout the quadrant, having graduated some twelve years previously.

She was about to call it a day when she felt something splat down in front of her face. She glanced up, seeing a fourth year who’s name she didn’t know and his younger brother, who was in her Xenolinguistics class. They both wore somewhat unpleasant smiles and it made Joanna’s heart sink slightly.

“Have you seen this? Thought it might interest you,” the elder brother said and Joanna glanced at it. It was a cheap gossip rag, the kind that littered dentist surgeries and hospital waiting rooms. She frowned at them. Were they suggesting that she was shallow enough to read something like this instead of study?

“I don’t see how… ah… ‘Galaxy Gossip’ would interest me,” she said, pushing it away. The younger brother’s smile grew wider.

“Turn to page sixteen. I reckon you’ll find it… informative,” he said and then the two of them slinked away. Joanna stared at the magazine for a moment, wondering if they’d done something to it, before she gave into the curiosity and opened the pages.

It was a double paged spread with a picture of Uncle Jim in the centre. The picture was slightly old, showing a much skinner Jim from six months previously after he’d come back from his two year tour. She smiled a little. They’d retouched him a lot, hiding the slight scar on his face completely and brightening his eyes until it almost looked like they were glowing.

Her heart stopped when she saw the article headline though.

_Shit._

She got on her feet and ran to Starfleet Medical, her textbooks, exams, worries about friends forgotten in the knowledge that she _had_ to find her father.

* * *

 

Leonard stared at the magazine in front of him. Christine had brought it to him, her eyes apologetic as she’d handed him the article. Her gentle words of warning had faded into white noise as he stared down at Jim’s face as the headline ‘I slept with James Tiberius Kirk’ wrapped around him.

There were a collection of stories, some that Leonard knew were true and from Jim’s academy days, some that he could never verify. The most recent story claimed to be from only a year prior, when Jim had been in the Laurentian System.

He felt sick. He wasn’t even aware of Christine pulling the magazine out of his hands, or him sitting down heavily in his chair. On his desk a non-doctored photo of himself, Jim and Joanna stared at him.

“Leonard… Leonard? Doctor McCoy!”

He looked up, having finally realised she was calling him. Her eyes were kind and she took his hand gently, making sure to have that physical connection to make sure he was listening to her.

“I don’t think that those stories are 100% true. It’s a terrible gossip rag and I can honestly say that I never saw Jim doing more than casual flirting with _anyone_ during our voyage. He was too ill for that most of the time. This is just something you needed to know, in case someone says something. I didn’t want you to be caught flatfooted,” she said and squeezed his hand. It was a small comfort, Leonard supposed, that there were people on the ship that could probably account for every second of Jim’s time. It was just whether or not he trusted their report.

“There’s paparazzi gathering outside you know. After you and Jim went public on that landing pad like lovestruck _teenagers_ they’ve been sniffing around but with this… They’re going to want to talk to you,” Christine continued. Leonard sighed. As if it wasn’t bad enough to have his personal life splayed across cheap magazines, his own insecurities being prodded and poked, he now had to deal with being thrust into the public eye himself because Jim just couldn’t keep it in his pants over the years.

They were short-staffed but Leonard knew that his being here right now was going to be a nuisance for those trying to work. Unless he lurked in the back and only participated in surgeries he was going to run into a reporter sooner or later. He rubbed at his eyes tiredly.

“Dad!”

He was slightly surprised when his office door banged open and Joanna ran in. Christine straightened almost immediately, eyes assessing Joanna silently before she nodded.

“I’ll arrange an escape route for you McCoy. I think it’s best if you just go home,” she said. Leonard nodded and watched her retreat before turning to Joanna. It was clear from the expression on the girl’s face that she knew about the article, her eyes were slightly wide, her lip was trembling.

“Have you seen it?” she asked. She was breathless and Leonard watched a bead of sweat run from her temple down her face. She really had run all the way here from wherever she was, worried about him. She’d become attached to Jim so quickly and at the time, Leonard had been grateful for it. That his daughter could just accept it when he found someone that he wanted to settle down with and, possibly, spend the rest of his life with. He had never thought that he would have to shield her from things like this because of it though.

 _Time to man up and put on the big boy mask, McCoy_.

He got to his feet and put his arms around her shoulders, holding her against him. She buried her face in his shoulder.

“It’s not true, is it?” she asked. “Uncle Jim wouldn’t… He wouldn’t cheat on you! He loves you!”

Leonard put aside his own doubts, the clawing, nagging sick sensation in his stomach that was screaming at him that Jim Kirk was more than capable of having a few one night stands while his lover was in another star system. He stroked her hair.

“No, I don’t think Jim would hurt anyone intentionally,” he said, which was the truth, but also skirted round whether or not he thought Jim had actually done the deed. Joanna pulled away, swiping at her eyes.

“Look at me! I should be comforting you!” she said, tucking her hair behind her ears and putting on what Leonard thought of as her ‘command’ face. Despite specialising in Xenobiology, Joanna hadn’t gone down the medical track and had instead taken more and more command courses as time went on. He was proud, and now it showed that she was genuinely starting to think in those Starfleet ways, drawing on the training she had been given to get through situations she found challenging.

“Right well, I’ll head out first and check for reporters and then you can come down. Hopefully we can be home before they realise you’re not here anymore…”

* * *

 

It had been a nice idea, Leonard supposed. It might have even worked if there hadn’t been what seemed like three dozen reporters outside his house waiting for him. He stormed through them, growling out ‘No comment’ as he went. Joanna followed, stamping on toes if people got too closer and at one point even wrenching a camera lens out of its socket to prevent a photo from being taken.

When he got up to his apartment he opened the door, feeling Joanna press against him. He noticed Jim’s shoes were set on the shoe rack and the television was on. Stepping into the lounge he saw Jim spread out on the couch, dozing in a pair of sweats and an old t-shirt that Leonard was sure was his own.

Joanna paused and then walked straight through to her room, clearly not wanting to intrude on what was about to occur. Leonard took a few steps forward, staring down at Jim’s face.

Less than twelve hours ago he’d been asking Jim to come over so they could _cuddle_ tonight.

And now it was running through his mind over and over that Jim had slept with someone else and the calm, warm feeling that he would have normally had evaporated into something slick, slimy and sharp.

“Kirk,” he said loudly. Jim made a noise of protest, smacked his lips and burrowed a little into the sofa. Leonard repeated himself, louder this time and Jim’s eyes slowly fluttered awake.

“Mm… You’re home early… Didn’t they need you?” Jim asked, his voice slurred with sleep. His eyes closed again as he wriggled on the sofa to get more comfortable. “Why’re you callin’ me ‘Kirk’?”

“Get your stuff Jim. I need you out of here,” he said, leaving no room for argument in his tone. Even if Jim hadn’t done what Leonard suspected, what the magazine directly said he had, Jim couldn’t be here over the next few days until it all died down. There was no way that Leonard was going to have pictures of him and Jim on his doorstep splashed over every tabloid.

“Wha? I thought I was staying the night?” Jim asked, his eyes open. There was genuine confusion in his eyes, and worry. It was that worry that Leonard picked up on most. Was there a layer of guilt under there? Did Jim realise he’d been caught?

“Not anymore. Not since… What was it? Galactic Gossip? Galaga Gossip? Galaxy Gossip? Whatever they call themselves. Not since they published a _lovely_ article today about you,” Leonard said. He picked up his PADD from the coffee table, searching for Jim’s name and filtering it by recent articles. The nets had picked up the story fast and pages upon pages of results were all discussing the article, blog posts linking to each other with analyses and messages of support for Leonard or wishing they had been the one that Jim had chosen or denying it couldn’t possibly be true.

Jim was still blinking sleep from his eyes, though his face became more and more serious as he scrolled down the list of articles.

“Bones-“

“Don’t. Just get out, Jim. Whether it’s true or not, I don’t want you here right now,” he said, proud of the fact he managed to stay calm.

“It’s not true,” Jim said, but he got to his feet. He was trying to catch Leonard’s eye, but he wasn’t going to look at him right now, he couldn’t. He couldn’t without imagining Jim’s lips against someone else’s, his hands stroking pale, smooth thighs, him moaning as he-

“Get out Jim,” his voice faltered on Jim’s name and it seemed that, more than anything else, convinced Jim to go. He didn’t collect his things, merely went to the door and pulled on his shoes. The door shut quietly behind him and Leonard collapsed onto the couch.

Outside he heard the moment when Jim exited the building, the raucous shouts of the reporters, the flash photography of the cameras, then the sound of Jim’s motorbike accelerating down the street.

He put his head in his hands, trying to think rationally, beyond the anger, hurt, humiliation, hope, tiredness.

The sofa smelled like Jim. His bed would smell like Jim. Jim’s dress jacket was over the back of a chair. There was a half-empty bottle of wine on the fireplace where he and Jim had discarded it a few days ago and never had the chance to tidy it up.

Leonard stood up, picking up his comm and pressing Speed Dial 1. The phone rang once, twice, three times, before it connected.

“Ma, it’s me. It’s Leo.”


	2. The Truth About the Woman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do you honestly think I would pine over your father for a decade then screw it all up on some cheap one night stand less than a year after we finally got our shit together?” he asked. Joanna let a small smile appear in the corner of her mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 and a slightly more positive chapter! Explanations on what everyone is thinking so lots of head jumping, sorry!

Leonard didn’t feel better after having spoken to his mother, not really. She had, of course, seen the article. Someone had commed Eleanora McCoy and pretty much dramatically read the article to her over the phone. She had no advice for him either, merely warning him to be careful and choose what was best for him in the long run, whatever that might be.

Eleanora really didn’t meddle any more. Ever since Jocelyn and Leonard had divorced, she’d been steadily neutral about all of Leonard’s relationships, offering only mildly positive or negative opinions either way. Leonard knew it was because she didn’t want him to live his life by his mother’s orders, but now he really wished that she would tell him what she really thought.

He promised to call her back and keep her updated before he hung up. Turning around, he saw Joanna was lurking in her doorway, watching him with wary eyes.

“Jim left,” she said and Leonard wondered if it was a question or not. He merely nodded. Joanna took a few hesitant steps into the room before she leaned against the side of the couch, surveying her father carefully.

“Did you talk?” she asked. Leonard felt his mouth turn downwards.

“No. I just need some time to get my head around it all before we do,” he said softly. Joanna nodded, though Leonard could see the judgement in her eyes. She wasn’t going to let this go easily.

“Do you think he did it?” she asked, her tone careful. Leonard looked at his hands, staring at them. His own fears threatened to come loose any moment, his heart was pounding, he felt sick to his stomach. If he’d been in his early twenties again, before Jocelyn had left him for a _better_ model, he probably would have been able to at least listen to Jim. But now… He’d seen how someone could lie to you, to say they loved you while they took another into your bed.

But this was _Jim_. And Leonard didn’t know what to think. He’d known Jim was capable of it but that Jim actually _would_?

“No,” he said finally, surprised by how much he realised he wanted that to be true. “No I don’t think he slept with her.” Joanna was watching him carefully, her eyes sad but thoughtful.

“Jim Kirk is many things, but he’s not a liar. Manipulative maybe, but he wouldn’t lie to my face. That doesn’t mean I’m not going to investigate it all myself though, before I see him. If I keep him here now… I’ll just lash out. Make things worse. I need time to process,” he wondered why he was explaining himself to Joanna. It wasn’t like she needed to know anything. She was his little girl and he could protect her from this. Still, her face bore that quietly concerned expression.

“If you didn’t think he’d cheated on you, you wouldn’t need to investigate the claims,” she pointed out and Leonard grimaced.

“So I’m a hypocrite or a walking contradiction or a bad person, which do you want it to be?” he snapped. He regretted it immediately but where perhaps two years ago Joanna would have dodged out of the room, left it alone, now she merely held her ground, refusing to be riled.

“I think if you’re going to investigate something, you should perhaps look at why this article came to light now,” she replied. Leonard frowned, looking at her in confusion before she huffed and folded her arms. “Doesn’t it strike you as strange? I mean, six months ago Jim was at the high point of the news over that peace talk thing. It would have been the perfect time to release an article about a tumultuous love life, but they didn’t. They kept it back until now, where most people have let their interest in Jim wane slightly.”

Leonard had to admit that she had a point. A PR stunt by Starfleet? It wouldn’t be the first time that they’d sold Jim out to the dogs just to get a few people discussing the Commodore again before they gave him something big to redeem himself and make them all look good. Or something else? He shifted uneasily in his seat.

“See, now you’re thinking about this the right way,” Joanna said, getting to her feet and dusting off her hands. Leonard looked up at her.

“Now, I guess we’re going to be hauled up in here for the next few days while the reporters clear off so you better write me the most _kickass_ excuse letter pulling out all the stops in order to get me out of all those revision classes,” Joanna said, gesturing to her father’s PADD. Leonard rolled his eyes, reaching out for it.

“And don’t stew in here by yourself!” she warned as she started to walk back to her room. “And call Uncle Jim!”

* * *

 

It took the reporters three days to get bored and decide to camp elsewhere. During that time, Joanna learned to hate takeaway food and had been forced to block all incoming communications. Too many ‘friends’ from the Academy had started up conversations, trying to invite her to parties or study groups and she had to keep reminding herself that the popularity had more to do with digging up information than because they genuinely wanted her there.

Her father hadn’t left the apartment either, becoming more and more grouchy as time went on. From what Joanna could tell, he hadn’t called Jim either. It made her worry that perhaps she hadn’t convinced him as much as she’d thought, but at the same time, her father didn’t look quite as heartbroken as he should have done. More irritated.

It was dark when the last reporter finally left. Joanna sighed and made her way to her room, pausing outside the door to her father’s bedroom to hear the sounds of him watching some holovid or other on his PADD.

She guessed she’d leave him to it.

* * *

Jim hadn’t got out of bed in two days. The first day he’d stayed contactable, listening for the door, his communicator, his breath bated. Carol had brought George over and he’d pretended to be cheerful as they’d played. The boy was old enough to talk now, chatting about silly things but enough that Jim managed to take his mind off everything for a few hours.

Then Carol had left, taking George with her and Jim had been left on his own. He had tried, god he’d tried, but eventually he’d crawled into a bed that still smelled of the last time Bones had been there and tried not to feel empty.

He’d fucked up. He knew that. This was his fault. All those women over the years, all that time spent with others rather than holding out for the one he wanted, all those meaningless encounters that had left him only breathless for moments and with the gaping hole still aching in his chest.

Bones’ suspicions weren’t unfounded. Jim _had_ been promiscuous. He _had_ developed that playboy image and even in space, he hadn’t exactly been well-behaved even if he’d settled down quite a bit. And he’d talked to Bones about all of it. Every time he’d messed a woman about, every time he’d manipulated his way into someone’s bed, every time he’d acted like the worst kind of human. Bones had heard it all, because they’d been friends and Jim had thought that was all they’d ever be.

Now it was biting him in the ass like the grand cosmic karma that superstitious folks believed in.

He pulled his duvet up over his head, trying not to dwell on the sound of his heart beating hard in fear in his chest, trying not to concentrate on his throat, raw from whisky and dehydration. He was so busy trying to block everything out that he didn’t hear the knocking on his door at first.

But there it was, insistent and loud, demanding to be heard in his apartment. He was on his feet in an instant, not even bothering to put on a shirt or sweatpants. He prayed to god it was Bones, here to forgive him, here to yell at him, here to do something other than ignore him.

He pulled the door open.

And stared at the person on the other side.

Joanna blushed to the roots of her hair and looked away.

“C-Can I come in? And can you put on some pants?”

* * *

 

Leonard hadn’t told Joanna he was going out. It was easier this way. She would only ask questions he didn’t want to answer and he knew that her heart was in the right place but he couldn’t deal with it right now. He trudged up the steps to the front door. He’d rung ahead, he was expected, but he knew that he was still intruding upon Spock and Uhura’s time.

But he had to know. And if Jim had done the unthinkable… well. They would know and Vulcans couldn’t lie. And Uhura wouldn’t. He hoped.

He knocked on the door, only waiting a few moments before Uhura appeared. She didn’t say anything for a second, just taking him in. He realised he should have probably shaved, that he must look terrible, but Uhura just swept him suddenly into her arms, the comforting scent of her perfume taking him back to days on the Enterprise where the two of them had stood side by side on the bridge as Jim and Spock did their usual extravagant manoeuvring.

“Oh Leonard,” she said, pulling back and stepping aside to let him in. He tried not to think too much about what he must look like for the usually collected Uhura to pretty much lose it at the sight of him.

She led him into the lounge without another word. He sat down and a steaming mug of coffee was put into his hand, just as he liked it. Spock was sat in one of the chairs, his eyes closed in what Leonard could only assume was meditation. His eyes opened slowly when Uhura placed a gentle hand against his shoulder, and he saw Spock gently raise two fingers to hers before his gaze settled on Leonard.

“Doctor McCoy,” he greeted, nodding his head. Leonard found himself nodding back, leaning forward slightly on the couch. He didn’t feel comfortable.

“I know why you’re here and it will be easier to lay your fears to rest now,” Spock began but Uhura shushed him. Leonard looked between them both. They looked… understanding. And that was something at least. The censure from Joanna had been almost too much to bear over the last few days, but then she could only see the positives in Jim, could only see how much Jim loved, had never seen him break, never seen him exact vengeance or spitefully crush someone under the force of his own overpowering will. Either consciously or unconsciously.

“Have _you_ made up your mind? I know that article was just… horrible. But you know that coming here and just asking us to confirm or deny your suspicions won’t make them go away, don’t you?” Uhura said softly. Leonard stared down at the black coffee in his hands, watching the bubbles coalesce against the side.

“I’m going to trust Jim. Just I need time to… get over the fact that I didn’t,” he didn’t know how else to explain it. Uhura simply nodded.

“You hated that you couldn’t immediately trust him, but decided in the end you did, so now you feel guilty,” she surmised. He found a small smile coming to the corner of his mouth, the first in days.

“I thought I was the one with the psychology MD,” he said and Uhura laughed, sipping her own drink as she tucked her legs up onto the couch.

“Well… I remember that woman. The one that’s claiming she slept with Jim last year…” Uhura began. “But it’s a bit of a tale…”

* * *

_Uhura watched as yet another shot of tequila disappeared down Kirk’s throat and he grimaced, smacking his lips and turning over the shot glass. His eyes were glassy, had been for the last few drinks, and a light sheen of sweat had appeared on his brow._

_James Tiberius Kirk was not well._

_“I don’t think you should be drinking so much on your medication,” Uhura said, biting her lip after she said it because she wasn’t_ Leonard _and it wasn’t her place to play nursemaid to their ridiculous Commodore. Even so, Jim gave her a rakish grin._

_“Come on! It’s not like it’s going to do any long term damage…” Jim hiccupped and gestured to the bartender for another. Uhura didn’t know what to. On the one hand, Jim clearly was enjoying himself for the first time in months but on the other, this amount of alcohol might mess with the drugs that were currently preserving his life._

_“I didn’t know you’d got yourself a medical degree as well as a hot doctor boyfriend,” she replied, keeping her tone light because she knew that Jim would only respond badly if he thought he was being babied. Jim grinned at her, eyes crinkling at the corners._

_“Why I didn’t know you had a thing for Bones!” he teased, the next shot landing in front of him. He didn’t even bother with the salt or the lime, slamming it back and then sliding the shot back across the bar._

_“I have eyes, Kirk. I can see that Leonard’s good-looking. Besides, it’s all window shopping. I’m married remember?” she held up her hand, displaying her ring. She knew Jim hadn’t forgotten, but playing along was half the fun for Kirk. He leaned against the bar, his grin turning lopsided._

_“Yeah. Your wedding was a blast,” he reminisced. It had been six months prior and there was no sign that the Enterprise was going to be given shore leave that coincided with Academy vacation any time soon._

_“You barely saw any of it,” Uhura replied, sipping her own drink and looking at him exasperatedly. Jim gave her another wide grin._

_“I know that’s why it was so good,” he replied._

_“You’re a pervert.”_

_“You love me.”_

_“No you’ve got me confused with some idiot from Georgia who seems to have accepted some stray Starfleet officer.”_

_“Ouch.”_

_They laughed together. Uhura noticed that for the first time in a long while, Jim looked like he didn’t have a care in the world. Part of that was just having some down time, she knew, but she’d also patched through a communication from Leonard earlier in the day. She knew that Jim had told him about the wasting illness, that Leonard had sulked and grouched and raved and threatened to beam aboard and abandon his post at the Academy. And that was one thing that would cheer Jim up no end. That someone cared enough that they’d break the rules for him._

_“You’re going to get black out drunk if you carry on at this rate,” Uhura warned when Jim ordered another shot. Jim shrugged and tapped his fingers against the bar._

_The night passed quickly, as shore leave nights out always did. Scotty soon joined them, along with a few other members of Engineering and Christine. They stood at the bar, sipping their drinks and making sure that Jim didn’t slip sideways off his stool. He was wasted in a way that they hadn’t seen since the Academy, but in incredibly high spirits._

_Christine had given up scolding him but true to Starfleet Medical form, she had been sneakily administering hypos whenever Jim’s head went down to rest against the bar to steady himself. Jim was so drunk he barely even felt the sting as various hangover cures entered his system._

_“Only you would bring a hypospray on a night out,” Uhura commented when Jim had departed for the toilet. Christine smirked._

_“We’re on a space station with no knowledge of what kinds of diseases or contaminants are around. Leonard would actually murder me if I didn’t have some kind of medical instrument on me to take care of Jim’s ridiculous number of allergies. Not to mention I kind of expected him to drink himself under the table tonight,” Christine confided. Uhura frowned, sipping her drink and glancing towards the men’s where Jim had staggered a few moments previously._

_“What do you mean?” she asked. Christine hummed along to the music slightly as she smiled._

_“He’s celebrating. Leonard admitted to being in love with him when Jim told him about the disease. You know, in that roundabout way that Leonard does anything. I think it finally brought it home to him that he’s got something permanent,” Christine said softly. Uhura couldn’t help the smile spreading across her face, because really, that was exceptionally cute and not what she’d expected at all._

_“You are very drunk, Commodore. Perhaps I should take you back to your room?”_

_Uhura’s head shot up. Jim was leaning against the wall, the woman next to him was regarding him with a predatory look that Uhura had seen a thousand times before, although usually from other men towards her. She glanced at Christine, but the nurse just shrugged, sipping her drink._

_“Oh, I’d love to but y’see, I’m kinna dating someone at the moment… Might give ‘em the wrong idea if I take you back to my quarters,” Jim was slurring, giving her a rather condescending pat on the cheek. Uhura had the feeling she’d seen the woman before, but she didn’t know where._

_“Commodore, I assure you I’ll keep my hands to myself. I’m just trying to help you out here and allow your crew to continue to enjoy their night,” the woman was saying and Uhura didn’t want to intrude but that seemed too manipulative. She got to her feet._

_The woman seemed to notice her then and backed off. Jim waved to her as she went._

_“What was that about?” Uhura asked, though she had heard the whole conversation. Jim just beamed at her._

_“I think she wanted in my pants. It’s a good job that you were here to save me, Uhura. I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t rescued me.”_

_Uhura rolled her eyes._

* * *

“Wait so you’re saying you barely even exchanged words?” Joanna asked, frowning slightly. “But that doesn’t make any sense. If you’d at least spent the night in the same hotel or something, then she _might_ be able to make her story less slanderous but as it stands she’s opening herself up to a lawsuit!”

Jim nodded and rubbed at his stubbled chin tiredly. He was wearing pants now, and a bathrobe that he’d dredged up from somewhere. Joanna had brought her pajamas and a washbag over, obviously determined to spend the night while they figured out what was going on. The thing was that Joanna seemed convinced this was some kind of conspiracy, while Jim wasn’t so sure. There were plenty of people who had thought Jim could do better than a doctor from Georgia, despite Bones’ obvious brilliance in the medical field. This wasn’t the first time he’d had their relationship attacked, though never in such a public place.

“I saw her again. I woke up with her in my room the next morning with no idea how she got there. Uhura said she definitely didn’t come back with me and the security logs showed that the only override that had been used on the door had been my own. It was a complete mystery how she ended up in there at all but I called security to remove her. It was a rather weird incident, but not the weirdest thing that had happened. I didn’t even think much of it until now,” he said with a shrug. Joanna’s eyes had narrowed.

“You’re sure nothing happened?” she pressed. Jim raised his eyebrows, looking at her honestly.

“Do you honestly think I would pine over your father for a decade then screw it all up on some cheap one night stand less than a year after we finally got our shit together?” he asked. Joanna let a small smile appear in the corner of her mouth.

“It’s weird though, isn’t it? Why wait to release the story until now?” she asked. Jim shrugged, leaning back against the couch and trying not to get his hopes up too much.

“There could be a hundred different reasons, but I’m betting that another article is going to surface over the next few weeks. If this really is a smear campaign that is,” he said, shrugging slightly. “And if I’m the target, then god knows what the next one might be about.”

Joanna leaned forward to take a sip of her cocoa. At that moment the doorbell rang. They looked at each other before Jim got to his feet, his heart beating fast.

“I bet that’s your father-“

“He doesn’t know I left the house-“

“Shit Joanna what were you thin-“

“I thought he’d fallen asleep watching a holovid!”

“Spare room. Go. Now. Don’t make a sound,” Jim ordered before shoving her things into her hands and kicking one of Joanna’s shoes under the sofa. Joanna dodged out of the room, her things balanced precariously in her arms as she headed to the spare room and shut the door behind her.

Jim went to answer the door, his eyes bright and hopeful. The door opened to reveal Bones there, looking just as scruffy as Jim was sure he did. There was a pregnant pause, where both of them seemed to take in the state of the other, before Jim cleared his throat.

“You better come in,” he said, stepping aside. Bones stepped in, shedding his jacket and shoes immediately. He put them where he always had before, the familiarity of it stinging Jim’s heart as he felt the other follow him into the lounge.

“So…” Jim said, sitting on the couch. Bones followed, his body sinking in heavily as though he didn’t have the strength to prevent it. For a moment the muscles in Bones’ jaw just twitched, before finally he opened his mouth, hazel eyes meeting Jim’s own.

“I trust you,” he said. Jim felt the relief wash through him and he couldn’t help but lean forward, taking Bones’ hand in both his own and pressing kisses over the other’s knuckles. His eyes drifted shut as he did so, his lips brushing over the other’s skin over and over again.

“Thank you,” he whispered. Bones pulled his hand away, only to slide it behind Jim’s neck, pulling him forward to press a chaste kiss against his lips.

“I need to apologise too. I shouldn’t have kicked you out and left you hanging like this,” Bones said but Jim shook his head, his own hands wrapping around the other’s waist and pulling him closer. God had it only been three days? It felt like months.

“You had every reason to think what you did, Bones. I _know_ you. I knew that article would get under your skin like-“ Jim stopped speaking. Yes, it would get under Bones’ skin, wouldn’t it? More than it would affect him. The article hadn’t been aimed at him, had it? It had been aimed at…

“Jim?” Bones prompted, his eyes looking concerned. Jim was already on his feet though, pulling up the article on his PADD and scrolling through it once more. Bones made an exasperated, uncomfortable sound and tried to drag Jim’s attention back to him.

“No. Wait. Do you know someone called Esther Henson?” Jim asked, finally finding the article’s writer. Bones frowned at him.

“No of course I don’t. Why would I know a goddamn journalist Jim?” he asked, throwing his hands up in the air. “Honestly, between you and Joanna with these conspiracy theories-“ Bones’ mouth closed and he looked at the coffee table. Jim followed his line of sight to the two cups of lukewarm hot chocolate there.

“Joanna is here,” Bones stated. Jim nodded, somewhat hesitantly. He was sure that Bones didn’t suspect him of anything with Joanna anymore, he was too much of a father figure to the other, but he was still wary. Especially when Joanna came alone to his apartment.

“Guess make-up sex is off the cards then,” Bones replied, a small smirk running up the side of his face. Jim gaped at him. Just like that, they were back to normal? He leaned forward, pressing a kiss to Bones’ lips that was so desperate he forgot to breathe.

“Whoa there, Jim. Let me see my little girl and then we can go to bed. And talk and make out,” he said, seeing Jim’s pout. Jim smiled and nodded, watching as Bones disappeared into the spare bedroom. There was the deep sounds of Bones’ voice, followed by the gentler lull of Joanna’s as the two conversed.

He knew they would have a lot to talk about, knew that they probably weren’t out of the woods yet, but Bones was here. Bones was trying. He was working past that fear that Jim was going to do what Jocelyn had and that was worth more than anything else to Jim.

He went to his bedroom, pulling back the sheets and sliding in to wait for Bones, hoping that the other wouldn’t spend too long explaining things to Joanna.

* * *

** EXCLUSIVE: _READ THE SHOCKING TRUTH ABOUT TARSUS IV SURVIVORS! TWENTY FIVE YEARS ON THE TRUE STORIES OF THE BRAVE CHILDREN WHO SURVIVED IT ALL! ONLY IN THE TERRAN CHRONICLE!_ **


	3. USS Enterprise Log Stardate 2260.45-2260.52

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Starfleet Archiving Systems, Stardate 2260.52.”  
> “All information stored in this log is Classified Code 6.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for Tarsus IV feels and TOS 'The Conscience of the King' spoilers.

**“Captain’s Log Stardate** **2260.45.”**

“We have veered off course from our mission due to a communication received by Doctor Thomas Leighton. We believe that Doctor Leighton has a new type of synthetic food, one that might help the colonists of Cygnia Minor with their famine. If it’s true, we might be able to wipe famine from the Federation.”

[ _The sound of sighing.]_

“God I hope it’s true.”

* * *

 

**“Chief Medical Officer’s Log Stardate** **2260.45.” [Flagged as Non-Professional]**

“Jim’s actin’ like an idiot. We’ve diverted off course on a fool’s errand and now I’ve got to make these goddamn supplies last a week longer than anticipated. Damnit Jim!”

[ _The muffled sound of someone trying not to drop their communicator.]_

* * *

 

**“Captain’s Log Stardate** **2260.46.” [Flagged as Non-Professional]**

“Turns out the bastard was lying. There’s no synthetic miracle food here, just a delusional man who is convinced that some actor is… is Kodos the Executioner.”

“Kodos is fucking dead. I watched… I saw… I put the fucking bullet in him myself. This is just… Ah shit, this isn’t professional. I need a drink.”

* * *

 

**“Captain’s Log Stardate** **2260.47.”**

“Doctor Thomas Leighton is dead. Doctor McCoy estimates his time of death as around 3AM last night. I personally discovered the body with Lenore, the daughter of the actor who Leighton suspected as being Kodos.”

“…”

“No one can survive an old fashioned bullet to the brain, right? In all the old movies, that kind of thing was always pretty final. But I can’t help but fear that… That Tarsus is _here_. I can’t say how I know. It’s a feeling, something crawling over my skin. Bones – Doctor McCoy – would tell me to stop being stupid most likely. Spock would think it’s illogical.”

“Still. I’m going to play my cards and see what happens-“

_[The sound of a door chirping.]_

“Bones! Got any news?”

“Oh someone did a goddamn number on the Doctor, I can tell you. It was brutal. I don’t even know how he managed to drag himself the few feet he did.”

“Jesus. So we’re looking at what? A human suspect? Any leads?”

“I think we’re lookin’ at a humanoid Jim… Even so, best to leave it to the locals to sort-“

“No. I have a suspect. I’m going to bring them aboard the Enterprise.”

“Have you hit your head? What the-“

“Computer, pause log.”

* * *

 

**“Chief Medical Officer’s Log Stardate** **2260.49.”**

“Somethin’s up with the Captain. Not ‘take him off-duty’ kind of bad. More like… I don’t know. Jim is not himself and I can’t get through to him. He’s consumed with the idea that someone here is Kodos the fucking Executioner.”

“The kid probably isn’t even old enough to remember Tarsus IV. I mean, he’s probably seen a few holovids and thinks he’s gonna be the one to kill Neo-Hitler or something. This is just ridiculous and he’s running the crew into the ground…”

“… Jim would have been about what, eight? Somethin’ like that. I ain’t even sure…”

[ _The sound of swallowing, a slight cough, a clink of ice.]_

“Shit, I’m going to talk to Spock. Somethin’ ain’t right.”

* * *

 

**“First Officer’s Log Stardate** **2260.50.”**

“The Captain is being more irrational than usual. I find his behaviour perplexing. He has not been so consumed with an incident since the death of Christopher Pike and his own subsequent _[redacted]._ Even worse, the Captain refuses to speak to any of us.”

“Doctor McCoy has approached me asking for my assistance in trying to prevent the Captain from making poor command decisions. I believe the Doctor is fuelled by his own emotions of Jim, which run beyond the professional and into a profound friendship. It has suited my study of humans to observe the way in which Doctor McCoy conducts himself around the Captain.”

“It appears that it will be down to myself to either prevent the Captain harm to himself or to lay Doctor McCoy’s fears to rest.”

* * *

 

**“Chief Medical Officer’s Personal Log Stardate** **2260.50.”**

“I can’t…”

_[The sound of a shaky breath.]_

“Fuck.”

“Jim why didn’t you fucking tell me you stupid, son-uva-bitch?”

* * *

 

**“Ship’s Log Stardate** **2260.50.”**

“In accordance with Starfleet Order 104: Section C, I relieve Captain James Tiberius Kirk of command and take over as Acting Captain with immediate effect.”

“In accordance with Starfleet Order 104: Section C, I confirm that psychological reports confirm that Captain James Tiberius Kirk is unfit for duty in my medical opinion.”

“Well, with friends like you, who the fuck needs enemies?”

"What do you expect us to do, Jim? Let you play God? Carry his head through the corridors in triumph? That won't bring back the dead, Jim!"

* * *

 

**“Captain’s Log Stardate** **2260.50.” [Flagged as Non-Professional]**

“What the fuck are they doing? What the fuck Bones? I can’t even. I’m so angry right now. Don’t they understand? If this is fucking Kodos’ doing, if that bastard has been murdering people throughout the galaxy, then it’s _my fucking job to stop him_.”

“And Bones with his ‘psychological reports’. Bullshit. He’s not sat me in a shrink’s chair! It wouldn’t even hold up if I took this further.”

“Fuck fuck FUCK.”

“He’s going to get to Riley! What the fuck do I do? Half the ship is convinced I’m going mental.”

“Well… they’re not. Spock and Bones didn’t relieve me on the bridge at least… Locking me in my quarters isn’t exactly fucking helpful though.”

“Those two assholes. I need a new CMO and a new First Officer. Ones that aren’t going to stab me in the fucking back all the time.”

* * *

 

**“Ship’s Log Stardate** **2260.51.” [Flagged as Non-Professional]**

“Lieutenant Kevin Riley is dead. Confirmed time of death approximately 1900 hours today. Fuck this. Jim’s the next target for this sick bastard and I can’t-”

“Doctor, this is not a personal log.”

“Shut up Spock.”

* * *

 

**“Captain’s Log Stardate** **2260.51.”**

“Well, it seems locking me in my quarters was a stupid move because a malfunctioning phaser nearly went off and destroyed half the ship! Yay!”

“Seriously though, there isn’t going to be anywhere safe until we’ve worked out what the fuck is going on… All Bones wants to do is talk to me about Tarsus IV and I can’t. He knows, I know he does, he’s got the records Spock ‘obtained’ from Starfleet, but… I’m not gonna talk about it. I can’t…”

“And if Karidian is Kodos… The voice samples we’ve compared aren’t close enough to order a direct execution and I can’t… I can’t fucking remember. I blocked it all out and I never wanted to think about it again and now, it’s here, it’s back and…”

“God, I can feel the sick hunger in my stomach.”

“I haven’t eaten today.”

* * *

 

**“Ship’s Log Stardate** **2260.51.”**

“Captain James Tiberius Kirk is reinstated to his position after the conclusion of the mission. Lenore Karidian and the man known as Kodos the Executioner are both dead.”

* * *

 

**“Chief Medical Officer’s Log Stardate** **2260.51.”**

“Jim shot them and I can see it’s torn him apart on a level that’s almost molecular. He’s shut himself in his quarters and refuses to come out until his shift starts. He’s… shit. I don’t even know anymore.”

“Tarsus IV… And the things that woman said before she died. Jim’s no knight, but he’s not cruel. I wouldn’t have blamed him for locking the two of them in the brig and waiting for them to eat each other in hunger but he just bound their hands and shot them.”

“Fast. Quick.”

“I’m a doctor. This should horrify me.”

“I can’t find it in me to be horrified. What they did… They deserved to suffer. They deserved to go through a hundred times what Jim is going through right now. Jim was a _child_..”

“Jim treated them with mercy in the end, but I don’t know how much it’s cost him.”

* * *

 

**“Captain’s Personal Log Stardate** **2260.51.”**

“I ate with Bones. I vomited it all back up. It was my first meal that wasn’t a protein shake since this whole mission began.”

“Bones has patched me up, got me back together, picked up all the broken pieces I didn’t realise had fallen away over the last few days.”

“Christ, I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing right now.”

“One day I’ll tell him what happened. But right now… Right now I’m just glad it’s finally over.”

* * *

 

**“Starfleet Archiving Systems, Stardate** **2260.52.”**

“All information stored in this log is Classified Code 6. None of those involved will be reprimanded for the lack of professional behaviour in their logs, though a warning has been issued.”


	4. The Truth About Tarsus IV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Say one more word. One more word about Uncle Jim and I swear to god I will use my knowledge of Tellarite biology to make sure you have to grow a new ruminant stomach you pig-faced, purple blooded bastard."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, sorry, life has eaten me. I thought it's better to get up what I had than to sit on it for longer, hence why this has now got '?' number of chapters, as I'll be uploading what I can when I can.

When Leonard woke up the next morning, Jim had already got out of bed. He’d been hoping that he would have stayed, they could have talked a bit more and Leonard could have shown Jim a little more how _sorry_ he was that he hadn’t believed Jim immediately.

Jim’s reassurances that he hadn’t cheated were equally as interesting in Leonard’s opinion.

He shifted, staring at the alarm. It blinked at him showing that it was 6AM. Well before any of them had to be up. He stretched out, considering going back to sleep, when he heard it. A muffled retching sound coming from the bathroom.

Doctor senses tingling, Leonard got to his feet, pulling on a t-shirt of Jim’s that stretched too tight across his shoulders. He ran a hand over his stomach, sighing as he realised he still had some way to go to get himself back to the same level of fitness he’d been used to as CMO of the Enterprise.

He padded out of Jim’s bedroom, and seeing the bathroom door was open, he stepped inside. The rancid scent of vomit met his nose immediately. Jim was clutching at the bowl of the toilet, his knuckles white, as he dry retched, his whole body taut and shaking.

“Hey, you alright?” Leonard asked, kneeling down next to Jim and putting a hand on the other’s shoulder. Jim tilted his head sideways and Leonard felt a sinking sensation in his stomach. Jim’s eyes were red, puffy, his nose and top lip rubbed sore already. His skin was blotchy. Leonard would have diagnosed him with illness then and there if it weren’t for something in Jim’s eyes.

Fear. Pain. Humiliation. Anger. Helplessness. Sorrow.

“Whoa, Jim, what’s the matter?” Leonard asked. Jim flushed the toilet, wiping at his mouth with his hand. He didn’t move for a long moment. Leonard could feel his heartbeat through his back, hammering hard and fast as though trying to break free of the other’s chest.

“The morning papers… There’s a report…” Jim’s voice was hardly above a whisper, a low croak that Leonard had to strain to hear. He tried to smile, hoping it looked reassuring. Another story, huh? Well, he’d trusted Jim on the last one, and he was going to trust him in this one. Even if it was some woman claiming to have had some kind of debauched one on one with his Jim.

“Jim, I told you last night, we’re going to get through this. I’m not going to go off the deep end about gossip rags anymore,” he said, keeping his voice calm and level. Jim didn’t so much as crack a smile. In fact he looked more hollowed out than ever.

“They _know_. They _published it_. Oh god, Bones, _everyone knows_ ,” Jim whispered. Leonard could smell vomit on his breath and could see the panic attack coming on. Jesus, Jim hadn’t got this worked up in years.

“C’mon kid, breathe… In and out… Come on I know you can do it,” Leonard said, keeping his hand moving in gentle circles on Jim’s back. He felt Jim move slightly, curling in against him, burying his face against Leonard’s shoulder as the shaking seemed to overtake his body.

“Everyone’s gonna know. Everyone’s gonna know what happened. I don’t want them to, Bones. I don’t… I can’t… I don’t want anyone’s pity,” he mumbled and Leonard had no idea what Jim was talking about anymore. There were a hundred things that Jim had done over the last ten years that Jim was less than proud of and it could be anything.

“Gonna fill me in on what we’re talking about here, kid?” he asked, keeping his tone gentle. His hand grasped at the short strands of hair at the back of Jim’s head, stroking through them as he tried to soothe the other.

“Tarsus, Bones… They published an article about Tarsus.”

* * *

 

Joanna made it through the first two hours of the next day at the Academy with gritted teeth. All people wanted to talk about was Tarsus IV. They made condescending noises under their breath, talked about the _poor Commodore_ when they thought she was out of ear shot, and sometimes when they knew she wasn’t, speculated wildly about how it explained some of Commodore Kirk’s more eclectic behaviour.

It took until she was waiting for her third lecture of the day to finally lose it.

“You know, I heard his whole family died down on Tarsus,” A Tellarite cadet was saying, fiddling with his sleeve as he held court amongst five others. He was a second year, like Joanna, and on the command track. He was arrogant though, his own abilities not as honed as was needed to do well in Starfleet, but an ego so large that he thought that it didn’t matter.

“Heard Kirk ran out and saved himself and left them all to die,” he continued. Joanna’s hand tightened around the PADD in her grasp. She refused to look at any of them. His little clique all made noises as though that was something they wholeheartedly expected.

“Of course, it makes sense that he’s got that thing going with Doctor McCoy now, doesn’t it? I mean, they’re not going to let some childhood traumatised psychopath just free on the galaxy without a _babysitter._ And who better than a doctor huh? I bet the guys who served on the Enterprise are really pissed off at having served under someone who could have broken at the first sign of the word ‘famine’.”

Joanna promised herself she wouldn’t intervene. She tried to ignore the sound of her heart beating in her ears, tried to see passed the red that was slowly descending over her vision. She was not going to get involved. She was above all this idle gossip.

“I mean… Did you see that article? The photograph of him from the rescue team? Those ship logs? You mark my words, Kirk’s never going to command a starship again. They’re going to squirrel him away in a nice desk job. That’s what he needs really, must be so psychologically disturbed.”

Joanna barely registered what she was doing until it was too late. The Krav Maga training she’d undergone since starting the Academy coming to her as easily and fluidly as breathing. She hadn’t even realised she had him on the floor until he was there, panting, his arm twisted behind him as his friends stared, shocked. She’d taken him down in less than five seconds, but she’d had surprise on her side.

For a moment they all stood there and no one seemed to dare to move.

“Say one more word. _One more word_ about Uncle Jim and I swear to god I will use my knowledge of Tellarite biology to make sure you have to grow a new ruminant stomach you pig-faced, purple blooded _bastard_ ,” Joanna hissed.

That seemed to rouse everyone else and she felt the fist connecting with her kidneys with an almost dazed ‘oh’. It didn’t hurt, the adrenaline and the anger surging through her stopping that, but she soon realised she was completely and utterly overwhelmed and this hadn’t been the _best_ idea.

“Cadets!”

That was the sound of their instructor and Joanna felt them all move off her. She staggered to her feet. Her nose was bleeding, her lip split and she was almost certain that she had at least one if not two broken ribs. Her knuckles were sore from where they’d connected with the Tellarite’s snout.

She was somewhat proud that she wasn’t the only one who was sporting injuries though.

“All of you, get your asses to the Commander’s office now. He’s going to deal with you.”

* * *

 

Jim was sat on the couch. He stared at the blank holovid screen in front of him, his mind going over the article again and again. They’d published information on all the nine survivors, detailing not just their stories on how they’d survived, but also the details of their murder at the hands of Lenore Karidian. It was his own article that took up the most space.

They’d published the goddamn ship logs of the Karidian Incident as well as dredged up as much of Jim’s story as it was possible to. There was very little of it, but the photographs spoke for themselves. His own form, emaciated, dirty, blue hollow eyes staring out of a face that was too young to understand what had happened.

“Here.”

Jim looked up, seeing Bones had brought him hot chocolate laced with marshmallows and whipped cream and sprinkles. He stared at it for a moment. There had been a time when he hadn’t thought he’d taste anything so rich again in his life, scrabbling around and eating plants that made his stomach churn. He took the mug, cradling it in his hands.

“We never spoke about Tarsus. But I want to tell you. The whole story. I don’t want you to find out from this… this stupid…” his throat closed up. Bones sat down next to him, his hand snaking around Jim’s waist and resting there, a warm constant weight against him.

He’d never talked about it. Not to anyone. Not the therapists. Not his mother. Not his brother. No one had heard Jim Kirk’s story and he’d thought he’d never have to tell it. Never have to remember it.

The smell of chocolate wafted to his nose.

“I’m here, Jim,” Bones said softly and Jim took comfort in the other’s gentle drawl. He nodded and tried to figure out where to start.

“I don’t know where to start,” Jim whispered and Bones’ arms around him tightened.

“Would it be easier for me to tell you what I know first?” he asked. Jim stilled in Bones’ arms. He knew that Bones knew at least something about Tarsus IV, knew that he’d been old enough to have followed the news coverage as it occurred. He found himself nodding, leaning into Bones carefully so he didn’t spill his hot chocolate. When the other began to speak, his voice reverberated through his chest, the comforting vibrations running through Jim’s cheek as he tried to bury himself away.

“I was... fourteen? I guess that’s about right. Yeah I must have been,” Bones began and Jim tried to imagine it. He’d not seen any pictures of Bones as a teenager, it was hard to imagine him without the frown lines or laughter lines.

“I remember coming home from school and slinging myself on the couch. My ma was watching the news and I remember she was crying. I didn’t even ask her what was wrong because I could see it on the screen. The reporter was… reeling off the numbers dead. Thousands of them. Pictures of the killing fields. Pictures of ‘Kodos Triumphant’ and footage of Starfleet boots on the ground,” the steady cadence of Bones’ voice was soothing. Jim could almost pretend that they weren’t talking about him. That this was just a simple sharing of a story.

“They said it’d started because of a food shortage but then Kodos had come up with the idea of applying eugenics, choosing who should live and who should die, splitting the population. They said that only nine of those supposed to die had survived,” Bones continued and his hand slid into Jim’s hair, as though reminding himself that Jim was still there and he hadn’t died.

“They said a kid killed him with an old metal bullet pistol,” Bones continued and Jim could hear the hesitance in his voice now. “But they only had testimonies and didn’t find a body.”

Bones took a shuddering breath. “They said the kids had been… tortured.”

Jim remained silent but Bones didn’t speak again, keeping his hands on Jim, keeping his breathing even. The sound of his heart was strong beneath Jim’s cheek and he didn’t want to sit up but he knew he had to. He could feel the hot chocolate in his hands.

He leaned away from Bones to sip at it. Bones knew… the minimum. What had been officially released. None of what had actually happened down there.

“I was tortured, Bones. I’m not going to go into the details. You’ll probably find its updated in my medical files after this anyway. But yes, there was torture,” Jim said, keeping his voice level and trying not to say anything more.

“What kind? They didn’t-“

“No Bones. Kodos didn’t fuck kids,” Jim’s mouth became a firm line. “I escaped when he made the announcement and went wild, feral. Living off whatever I could find that hadn’t died and could be eaten. I found Leighton pretty early on and we worked together, scavenging food. But we couldn’t survive, not with two of us. We were forced to split up. It was then that I was captured.”

“I don’t remember a lot of what happened next. I think I blocked it out for self-preservation. They took me back to his fucking _palace_ and I remember that I was ‘made an example of’. I remember he got close enough, one time, and I took my chance. I was so hungry, Bones, I was hysterical, insane. I just grabbed this stupid antique that he’d been parading around and shot it. I don’t even think he realised it was loaded.”

“After that there was uproar. He was lying on the floor and there was so much blood. I had no idea what a bullet did to someone. I remember retching, only I had nothing in my stomach to come up. I stood there, shaking. I tried to throw the gun away but it burned my hand. It imprinted the goddamn engraving along the barrel onto my palm and it took years for the scar to fade…”

“When Starfleet came, I was already a complete mess. I don’t think I was even human at that point. They took me in, treated me as best they could, but I refused to speak. I went months without saying a word. It took even longer for me to stop hoarding food, to stop vomiting every time I over ate even slightly.”

“I was diagnosed with every mental illness, every behavioural disorder, and people treated me like I was different. I couldn’t even begin to comprehend how much my life _sucked_ at that point. I felt like everything had abandoned me, everything was gone and it was just me and my skinny little arms and raw throat and a universe that hated me.”

“Please say something Bones…” Jim said, having talked himself out. Bones hadn’t said anything the entire time, his body completely still, his gaze focused on Jim’s face. Jim couldn’t force himself to look at the other, didn’t want to see his pity or his horror or anything else. He took another sip of his hot chocolate.

“I love you, Jim. I’m glad you survived,” Bones said quietly and just like that, Jim felt the tears sting his eyes. Bones _knew_ him. Knew not to offer half-hearted apologies for something he could have done nothing about, didn’t try to reason with Jim that he wasn’t worthless or broken, didn’t rage against Kodos who was almost five years dead at Jim’s own hand. Instead, he said the words that Jim _needed_ to hear; he just hadn’t known it.

“Bones…” he didn’t care that the hot chocolate slipped between his hands, it fell to his carpet, staining it brown. He reached for the other, clutching him as he sobbed against his chest. Bones just held him, rocking him gently.

“I’m glad you’re alive, Jim. Thank you so much for trusting me.”

* * *

 

Jim had returned to bed, exhausted.

Leonard had collected Joanna from the Academy, staring blankly at the papers detailing her suspension for brawling.

His superior had commed telling Leonard not to come in until everything had settled down with his personal life.

Jocelyn had sent a pre-recorded transmission suggesting that perhaps Joanna return to her after the exams for the vacation period to stop her from getting caught up in it all.

It was a clusterfuck, pure and simple, and Leonard didn’t know what to do. He let Joanna into Jim’s apartment, asking her if she was hungry. She’d just stared at him and walked away, shutting herself in Jim’s spare room.

Jim was still asleep when Leonard checked on him, blankets tangled around his legs from where he’d tossed and turned.

Leonard returned to the lounge, pulling his PADD closer to him and staring at it for a long moment before he brought up both the most recent articles.

“Run diagnostics. I want to know if these two articles bear the same author,” he said. He set it aside to process. He made himself coffee, started cooking some dinner on the off chance that either Jim or Joanna would be interested in eating it later.

His PADD beeped.

“No match found,” it said. Leonard gritted his teeth, resisting the urge to throw it across the room.

“Cross-check the name Esther Henson against all files relating to Commodore James Tiberius Kirk or Doctor Leonard Horatio McCoy,” he said again. The PADD returned it’s results much fast that time.

“No match found,” it said. Leonard guessed it would have been a long shot anyway. He sagged against the couch. Whoever it was, whatever it was, it wasn’t going to be solved that easily. He wondered if Samarra would still remember him…


End file.
